Oct 19

…Yelled Sue as she gleefully held up her iPhone to show me the new application she’s downloaded and installed. 

67 nights?

Jesus thats crept up quicker than I thought. 

Sort of looking forward to it, I mean I get a few days off, thats good – right?  The thing I hate about Christmas is I often want to buy things, sometimes with money people have given me for Christmas.  Since most of the things I buy or want to buy come from teh intarweb and the postal service is shitter than usual it means waiting around. 

Still at least I’ll still have Amazon Prime, and thats generally next day delivery. 

Clocks go back in a week, I used to love this one – it meant an extra hour in bed.  I still hate the one in Spring, losing that hour really grates :p  I just know that this time next week it’ll be darker, sooner.  I used to think the nights were cosy and great – you’d have the fire on and it was just nice.  That was back when I was little, the evenings used to last forever. 

Its funny because I remember people telling me that time seemed to fly once you got older.  Sayings like “School is the best days of your life – Enjoy it” were commonly passed.  I remember doing some reading a few months ago into time perception and how our age affects our perceptions of time.

See when you were 10 and you had the 6 week holidays you’d only had 10 years worth (possibly less than 4-5 that you could actually physically remember – if that) of summers.  The days stretched out long and far, the whole of the Summer holidays seemed massive.  Now, at 27 years of age I’ve had many, many summers.  We’re approaching almost 10 years since I left school.  Thats insane.  I don’t feel any different from when I was there – I have more money and I don’t have to spend as much of my free time doing homework and things, but still I seem to not have as much time. 

I mean look at the time now, its 18:12 (whilst I’m still writing this) on a Sunday evening.  If it were Monday I’d have been home from work for less than 45 minutes.  Maybe just finishing up tea.  Theres over 12 hours until I have to get up in the morning but whereas in my old job I’d have to be there for 7:30, I don’t have to be at work now until 8:30.  I’ve got Steve picking me up on the way tomorrow so I don’t actually have to be up until after 7 – he’ll be picking me up just after 8 so I can either get a shower tonight or get a shower in the morning.  How much after 7 I’ll actually be able to sleep I have no idea. 

Not sure what I’m going to be doing tonight after Sue goes to work.  Might fire up the 360, don’t know if I can be bothered.  One thing I won’t be doing is watching the final part of the 100 scariest moments on E4.  Enjoyed the first half but theres no way I’d be sleeping tonight if I finished it whilst I’m here on my own.  How stupid is that? 

I’ve often thought about that – why do I feel safer when Sue is in the house?  Its not like she could protect me if something bad happened – thats my job, man of the house.  I guess having someone else there, breathing gives your brain less reason to listen to the strange noises that houses make when they’re cooling down, or its windy, etc. 

She’s working nights Halloween too, I like watching scary films on Halloween, this year I’ll be watching something non-scary :p  Something like erm, Back to the Future.  That’ll work :E

Speaking of scary films, all the latest offerings from the last few years are all about gore.  Thats not horror.  We need some more Elm Street or Friday the 13th offerings, but something that is new and original. 

I watched Indy 4 this weekend.   Really, really enjoyed it.  I’d heard really bad things about it but I watched it expecting the worst and had a jolly good romp.  Some really funny moments in there.  Some pretty unbelievable ones too but its never been the sort of film to take seriously.

Sean Connery’s absence is explained by his death.  I’m perplexed by this – At the end of Last Crusade, both he and Indy drunk from the cup of the covenant.  Thats perpetual life.  How’d that happen then?

That’s enough brain dumping for me.  I’m thinking about possibly playing Day of the Tentacle or something later.

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Oct 13

I remember what I was going to write now, I got waylaid talking about video games. 

The biggest problem with SAD is or at least it seems to be getting people to understand.  I know when I mentioned it at work there were a few awkward smile, laughs even – I know when I’ve mentioned it to my mum she’s been like “don’t be silly”.  Its a tricky one.  In the one hand people not realising its a serious problem kinda makes me feel like its not so big an issue, on the other hand it pisses me off when people don’t take me seriously. 

I mean, I can’t control it and I have no control over when and where it seems to affect me.  I can seem fine and dandy one minute, reclusive and withdrawn the next.  Its also hard for Sue to understand.  I mean its not necessarily anything that she’s done that’s upset me or “put me in a mood”, its just something that happens. 

Sometimes I just want to be alone, over times all I want to do is surround myself with friends and good conversation.  I’m funny like that. 

Not ha ha funny.

Its depression, but not proper depression.  Especially not when it’s controlled by the amount of light you’re getting.  I mean I know some people do take pills for it, I know a few weeks ago I would have jumped at the chance of something to ease the numbness, now I’m not so sure. 

I’m going to bed shortly, its not even 8, Sue doesn’t even finish work until 8:30  Its just what I feel like, just feel like lying down, putting a DVD on.

I’m going to finish this post with some lyrics courtesy of Snow Patrol

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

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Oct 13

I’m running out of inspiration for titles.  Not just with blog posts but with photoblog posts too.  Its crazy – I want to think up clever things but I want to avoid clichés and avoid being completely anal. 

Its like this morning, I had a nice photo of Scarborough harbour, couldn’t think of anything clever so it got called Scarborough – thats inventive, isn’t it?

The dark nights are really setting in now, I had to put my headlights on driving home – I definately had to have them on this morning, when I got up at 6:30 it was proper pitch black, it could have been 10pm.  Nightmare. 

This is getting to the stage where my SAD starts to get really bad.  I can’t explain what happens with it, it just turns me into a miserable bastard (whats the difference from the rest of the year? ho-ho).  The lightbox usually helps, this year it seems to be a bit hit and miss.

Take yesterday for example, we had a really fun day, spent most of the day lounging around watching TV and films (was nice for a change) and went out for tea.  Once we’d gotten back from tea I just didn’t feel like doing anything, my energy was zapped, interest levels were non-existent.  Its just a big ball of I can’t be arsed.  Very odd.

Feel a bit like that tonight, so I’m just listening to music, trying to zap myself out of it, I’ve used the lightbox, if anything I feel worse now that the light has gone.  I really need to look at moving the big light back in the room so that this corner is a little brighter because its darker than a narrow corridor in an abandoned space station and I have neither a flashlight or shotgun (Doom, for the non-initiated). 

Chemical inbalances in the brain suck balls. 

Plus the fact I should be playing the new Ghostbusters game, damn you Sierra! ;(

Still, Gears of Wars 2 is out in a few weeks, will I feel like playing then? I dunno.  Meh.

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