Balls.
I’ve gained another pound this week. That’s two consecutive weeks. Last week it was a last minute dash to Whitby, this week it was valentines day with a three course meal at an Italian. I didn’t have to have three courses, but I did. Epic fail. I think the whole issue from a few weeks ago really shook my self confidence and its broken something inside, plus a couple of things since then that have shaken me up a little. The drive and motivation seems to have evaporated. It doesn’t help that Sue is on her second consecutive week of nights, not been to the gym for almost three weeks now.
We could have gone to the gym on Monday but I hate going Mondays – its busy as hell, plus I hardly slept on Sunday, I was so tired I think I’d have fallen asleep on the treadmill.
I’ve started snacking again on an evening – I say snacking, I mean binging. I should be at the gym or just concentrating on something else. Problem is I seem to use about 17 points up at work, have about the same left for tea but then feel starving afterwards. I might need to re-evaluate the situation, try to make some smarter food choices for work and things. If I don’t take a bag of crisps and 2×2 finger kit-kats, I can’t eat them, can I?
I find myself making more and more excuses – I’ve got a work night out on Friday night, followed by another night out on Saturday night. I think I’ll have the car Saturday night anyway cos we’re going to the gym Sunday morning at some point but Friday night I’ll be in Huddersfield. I guess I can try to survive off diet coke all night, that might work. Maybe. It almost makes me not want to go out – remove the obstacle preventing me from possibly not having a good week points wise.
Here are the numbers for those of you that care:
Start Weight : 23st 3lb
Current Weight : 19st 8 lb
Change this week : + 1lb
Total Weight Loss : 03st 09lb
Time Taken : 59 weeks
We’re looming ever closer to that 6 weeks target I set myself of losing a stone, at the moment that seems so far away, I have the ability to do it, I just need to rediscover the willpower I’ve lost. Thats the problem with internal injury, you look fine on the outside but inside something is broken, even if that something happens to be your ego.
I’m going to stop the snacking on an evening. I’m going to get to the gym somehow. Whilst I don’t fancy using the bus, at the moment its my only possible source of transport as we share the car, sue needs it for work. I need to get my own car. There we go, another excuse.
Must get my mind into shape before I can get my body there. All of this negative thinking is doing me no good whatsoever. Problem I’ve got is I’m struggling to find positives to hang on to – I’m clutching to my Florida holiday in May but apart from that, there’s not a great deal of positivity around at the moment.
It’s Wednesday. It’s a new week. I’m starting it as I mean to go on. There’s only one person that can lose the weight, nobody else can lose it for me. I have to do this. I must succeed.
